Thursday, March 16, 2017

Kiss Me, Spank Me, Fuck Me - The Blue Funk has Ended

Today was miraculous, to say the least.

I have been a wreck.  Nothing seeming possible and everything a huge struggle.

Eric has been gone.  Not just absent from home, but absent from himself, me, us.

We shared our typical morning of late.  I raced around the neighborhood trying to keep my anxiety down.  He sat on the phone, complaints about the workload never ending and a personal lack of drive to do anything.

We agreed to text between his flights but then, the miracle happened.  Eric's flight was cancelled and he had to be rerouted.  Of all things, he had to change planes at our local airport!  It took me an hour to abandon work, hit the freeway, find parking and race to a restaurant but I made it and HE LOOKED AMAZING.  My wonderful handsome husband was parked in an orange plastic booth, in the flesh, staring at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and his melt-my-heart smile.

We were like teenagers in love for the first time.  His toe found it's way in my dress under the table while I rolled the spoon around my tongue as though I were toying with his cock.  We stared into each other's eyes, oblivious of anyone else in the world.  He ordered me to the restroom to remove my panties and take a picture of what was hidden underneath.  I returned and handed him a red satin thong and a brightly lit photo on my phone.

Giddy, Eric jumped up and did the same.  He kept his undies but I got a picture of something I've been missing for far too long.

"Squishy," I told him.  "That's what you make me."

We kissed some more and then his fingers found their way under the table, through my dress and into my squishy lips.

I giggled.  He felt so good.

"Hey pretty girl," he teased, "I just want to pull you over this table and fuck you right here."

"I'm in!" I yelled.

He laughed and reached out grabbing my hair into two ponytails.

"You are so naughty Amy Lynn," he scolded moving my head back and forth.  "I don't know if I want to fuck you or spank you more."

The heat in my bottom rose at the mention of a spanking and we'd already established the squishy factor.  I could tell he was heating up as well, a deep red hue across his cheekbones.

"There's a his/her bathroom in the hallway," Eric suggested.  There were only forty minutes until his next flight but we were both ready and willing.  Lunch, half eaten, was paid for and we found ourselves racing down the hall to a "Closed for Cleaning" sign.

"Ugh!" Eric exclaimed, the bulge in his trousers ready to burst.

We ran down further in hopes of finding another location but then his phone rang, a client, and he had to take it.

I didn't even get to say good-bye.  The client talked our time away and then Eric was off, that sexy butt running up an escalator while I waved and blew kisses.

Back at work, it was like I was lost in a dream.  Our unexpected lucky break got cut short but oh how much happier we both are anyway.

My love.  Kiss me, spank me, fuck me or just spend twenty miraculous minutes flirting with me at the airport.

I love you Eric!!!

Amy-the-Squishy-Lynn

Monday, March 13, 2017

You Are Lovable

Eric is slammed at work.

He's not happy about it but he's dedicated.

We finally caught up tonight.

I told him the most horrible thoughts in my head.

He kept stopping me on one point.

"You are lovable"

He said it over and over.

If I believe nothing else,

it's what he wants me to know.

Chemically I can't handle certain drugs.

This will end.

I want to be back to myself.

I want to believe Eric.

I want to be lovable.

Something is Not Right

I'm up in the middle of the night again.

My joints hurt.  Seriously hurt.

My toes and fingers are swollen and no matter how much water I drink, I'm massively dehydrated.

For a few days now, I'd say I have a black cloud of doubt hanging over my head.  Everything seems impossible.  I don't believe in anything and question everything.

Last night I convinced myself everyone around me, everyone in my life, despises me.  I believe Eric is fed up with me and is leaving; trying to figure out how to stay as far away from me as possible.  I think my boss wants to eliminate my job and that I'll be broke and homeless in a matter of days.

I don't want to see or talk to anyone.  My social skills seem utterly inadequate to get through a conversation and I'm afraid of offending someone so I don't want to leave my room.

None of this is normal for me.  Something is not right.

I have been awake for hours but have no drive to be productive or move forward.  In times past, when things are bad, I run to solve things.  I have no energy to run.  I just want to vanish.

What is wrong with me?

What is different?

All I can think of is I started a new birth control pill ten days ago.  Nothing else that I can pinpoint has changed.  People, friends, coworkers, Eric - I don't think any of them have changed but my feelings of how they view me has become emotionally distressing. It's not like there was an event or something that happened.  On the contrary, good things have been occurring but I discount the positive and obsess about the negative.

I'm convinced I'm going to fail this semester.  I've gotten three papers back.  All 100%.  My logic is completely flawed but my feelings are extreme.

Could it be the pill?

I'm going to write my doctor an email and see what he thinks.  I'm also going to avoid people so I don't say something I don't mean or will regret later.  Everything seems so bleak. My body hurts.

I need sleep.

Amy